The lighthouse residency a contemplation
Travelling a mere 30 km per hour watching my destination from afar as I approach ever so slowly. Not normal for my usual fast place of getting from point A to B so quickly. Got here early and enjoyed the car ride in. Why are we so fastidious to make our way up? Up to where? The constant question I ask myself. We are creatures that want progress for progress sake. I remind myself in this one moment. It is as vivid as it was yesterday I was sitting in my car leaving for home, I sat at a traffic light turned red. Danger is red, stop is red, halt, catch a breath. I looked ahead and I see a hearse with a wooden box well adorned with flower arrangements. Maybe one had never received flowers in their lifetime and yet here it is so well decorated. Thoughts ran through my mind as I just sat there weeping tears not for myself but for another. Someone so holy unaffiliated to me by blood yet my face was wet with tears. We are all interconnected, bound by invisible threads in this life. I breathe as you once did. I wonder who lay to rest in that box for the inevitable eternal sleep. What life they led? Who they loved? Who they were loved by? Young or old? It didn't matter the same. It didn't matter in the same sense that they were no more. They are spent. We spend life looking inwardly thinking about connecting emotionally to others. As I sat there weeping for that 2 minutes I am reminded that life is fragile and quick. Minus that first 10 years when naivety and inhibitions were my existence why did it take take this long to see it? To become self aware is like a cage to contain one's true self. We walk through this life with limits we set upon ourselves. Things we can't say bound by moral standards that hopefully you created for yourself but is most likely learned from another. Shedding tears for someone I'd never laid eyes on was humbling. It made me conscious of my existence, my future plans, thoughts on life and my aspirations. What am I seeking? A sense of fulfilment like all the others. I don't want to hide behind fake smiles and fake relationships. I am tired, I want to be myself now and forever through the ugliness of one's ego feel the humanity in my bones and breath my sense of self.
Thoughts on my final days at my residency at the lighthouse I don’t want to think of anyone but myself right now. A selfish motive but must be undertaken for self fulfilment.
Laptop in bag, phone put aside, the waves take me into deeper contemplation. I hear you wind rustling through the foliage on the cliff's face, I hear you wind. I feel the history underneath my feet. I see the fluttering of wings from birds, insects and plants alike. I am forced to come to a halt by your innate beauty to install confidence, meditation, observance and a piece of paradise in one moment.
